Letting Go Of The Past
by Free as the Birds
Summary: It's Christmas again. Beast Boy finds himself wallowing in misery due to the trauma he experienced ten years ago on Christmas. Can the Titans cheer him up? After all, it's difficult and traumatic to lose your own family.


I was supposed to post this after my story The Walls that Support the Fort, but I was so busy reading other stories on fanfiction that I lost interest in this story for a while. So this is a Christmas fanfic. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans

Letting Go Of The Past

Beast Boy sighed and gazed morosely at the decorations that were hanging from the ceiling in the common room. It was that time of the year again. The time of the year where everybody sings and dance with joy. The most dreaded celebration of the year, Christmas.

"Friend Beast Boy! Will you not do the decorating with us?" Starfire questioned, a bright smile on her face.

"Yeah, come on, BB! Stop hanging at the doorway and come join us already!" Cyborg called.

Beast Boy looked irritated. "Why should I? I've other things to do."

"Oh, come on, BB! It's Christmas Eve! You know, the day before Christmas! We're supposed to spend time together on Christmas! See, even these two grumpy people are here." Cyborg said, gesturing to Raven and Robin.

"Not. Interested. Cyborg." Beast Boy stated.

Cyborg chuckled. "Who isn't interested in Christmas? BB, can't you just-"

"I already told you, I'm busy!" Beast Boy snapped, stomping out of the room and ignoring the baffled looks on his teammates' faces.

* * *

Beast Boy stared at the ocean with a scowl on his face and his arms crossed. Okay, so maybe he had overreacted. After all, his friends were only trying to be nice. But he was always moody this time of the year; surely they would've noticed by now and try to steer clear of him. Sometimes, he envies Raven. Nobody bothers her when she tells them to leave her alone. But when he does that, his teammates will just bug him even more.

Beast Boy sat down on a rock and hugged his knees. Whenever he thought about Christmas, horrible thoughts would cross his mind. Pain. Anger. Sadness. Death. This was all because of the incident that had happened years ago, back when he still had a home, a family and love.

* * *

10 years ago, Upper Lumumba, Africa

It was the Logans favorite holiday of the year, Christmas. Due to the special occasion, the Logans decided to take a little boat trip. They were slowly drifting down the stream and enjoying themselves when Mark and Marie Logan noticed the current getting stronger and that they were heading towards a waterfall. Mark desperately tried to steer the boat to another route, but to no avail. Mark and Marie exchanged worried glances and turned to look at their son, who was oblivious to the predicament they were currently in.

Marie kneeled down in front of her son and cupped his face. "Garfield, listen. I want you to turn into a bird and fly away from here as fast as you can."

Young Garfield's face twisted with confusion. "Why? And what about you and dad?"

"Don't worry about us, Garfield. Just remember that we love you very, very much." Marie said, hugging Garfield and kissing his forehead.

Garfield had a feeling that something really bad was going to happen. He felt like a million voices were shouting at him to get out of there now. "But-"

"Listen to your mother, Gar. And keep yourself safe. Remember all the things we've taught you and use them wisely. And most importantly: Don't. Get. Killed. Do you understand?" Mark stared at his son's forest green eyes.

Garfield nodded his head. For some reason, he felt that he should never ever forget the words his parents are saying to him now.

"Good. Now go. We love you, Garfield, never forget that." Mark hugged his son tightly before releasing him.

Garfield closed his eyes and concentrated hard. Slowly, he transformed into a green kingfisher. The small bird released a sharp 'chee!' and unfurled its wings, taking off. Mark and Marie Logan looked relieved as the kingfisher landed on the riverbank, morphing into a green boy as it did so. Garfield lifted his head to look at his parents, ready to flash a proud smile at them for transforming into a bird so quickly, only to widen his eyes in shock and horror when he realized that the boat was heading towards the waterfall. His parents waved and smiled sadly at him, embracing each other and closing their eyes for what might be the last time as the boat fell down the waterfall.

"NO!" The cry tore from Garfield's lips as he watched the boat suspend momentarily in mid-air before falling down into the water. He raced down the riverbank, morphing back into a kingfisher and flying down the waterfall. He reverted back into his human form halfway before he landed on the ground, unable to hold his concentration. Garfield quickly scrambled up and searched frantically with his eyes for his parents in the water. Suddenly, he saw blood floating on the water near the broken boat.

"No…" Garfield muttered, then he shook his head. "No! They're not…It's…I…"

Garfield waded into the water, shivering slightly at the coldness of the water against his skin. He pushed pieces of the boat aside, his heart thudding loudly in his ears. Finally, he came upon two bodies. Hope flared in his heart. Thankfully, they were quite near the riverbank, so Garfield did not need to use a lot of strength to haul them to land.

* * *

Garfield looked at the two bodies lying on the ground and gasped in shock. Marie Logan had received a severe head injury while Mark Logan had a large gash near his heart. Blood was rushing rapidly out of their wounds and they were not breathing.

"Mom…Dad…" Garfield swallowed the lump in his throat, tears building up in his eyes.

Then the realization seemed to set in. "No! Wake up! Please wake up! You can't leave me!" Garfield wailed, shaking his parents, hoping that this was just a bad dream that he could wake up from. The young boy thumped his father's chest in hopes of reviving him. His hands were soaked in blood from his father's wound, but he ignored it and kept on going.

"Come on, come on…Not working! Why isn't it working?! You said it'd always work!" Garfield cried, tears spilling out of his eyes. He knew why he couldn't revive them, though. The wounds that his parents sustained were too serious to be treated. But Garfield was too stubborn to believe that his parents were gone. He refused to think that he wouldn't hear their voices or feel their gentle touch ever again.

"Why?" Garfield whispered. He didn't know if he was directing the question to his parents, the world or himself. He had so many questions spinning around in his head that it was making him dizzy. Why did they save him, why did they make him fly away? Why didn't they tell him? Why is Christmas day today, of all days? Why did they have to take a boat ride? Why was it raining for so many days, making the water level higher and current faster? And why didn't he save them? He had powers, he could just turn into a bigger animal, or something and stop the boat or carry them away. So why didn't he save them?

Mark and Marie Logan's eyes were still open, a clear indication that they'd felt pain before dying. Their eyes were already turning grey, traces of the former blue almost couldn't be seen anymore. Garfield turned his eyes away from their glassy stare and instead opted to grasp his parents' hands. It was cold. Garfield wanted to tear his hands away, but only found himself clutching his parents' hands tighter.

Garfield didn't know how long he lay there, holding his parents' hands like it was his last lifeline, but a few hours must have passed because the sun was already setting. It was a beautiful scene, if only he could spend it with his parents. Why is everything so normal?! His parents are gone, gone forever! And still the world goes on, so ignorant and so disregarding. Garfield finally released his parents' hands and glared at the sun. He hated the sun. He didn't care that he once loved the sun more than anything in the world; from today onwards, he is going to hate the sun, the world and the most stupid and ridiculous celebration in the world, Christmas.

* * *

Present, Titans Tower, Jump City, California

Beast Boy kicked a small rock into the ocean, flinching slightly at the splash it made. It was strange. Beast Boy thought he would be either deathly afraid of water or hate it with a passion after the 'accident' happened. The gentle and constant flow of the water had always calmed him down. Sitting here watching the water was like meditating for him.

The singing of Christmas songs could be heard from the Tower. Beast Boy flicked his ears in annoyance; it was probably Starfire and Cyborg having another stupid singing competition. What's so great about Christmas anyway?! You just give presents and expect to receive more in return. And what's with singing all sorts of ridiculous songs?! Reindeer, talking snowmen, Santa Claus…Santa Claus didn't even exist! Like he said, ridiculous!

A few minutes later, fireworks could be seen being shot into the air. Beast Boy huffed and rolled his eyes. Really? Fireworks are supposed to be for New Year and Chinese New Year, not Christmas or Christmas Eve! He didn't feel like sitting around here watching those blasted fireworks. Beast Boy stood up with his hands in his pockets and trudged back to the Tower.

When Beast Boy entered the Tower and back into the common room, his teammates immediately stopped what they were doing and rose to greet him.

"Friend Beast Boy! You have returned! Come do the joining in the festivities with us!" Starfire said, floating over to him.

Beast Boy shook his head. "No thanks. I just wanted to grab the comic books I left on the couch." He replied with forced politeness.

Starfire looked disappointed. "But-"

"It's late. I'm going to bed." Beast Boy said, trying to leave the room as fast as he can and avoid losing his temper.

Cyborg, who was watching the exchange silently until now, finally couldn't take it anymore and stomped up to Beast Boy. "That's it, BB! I've had enough of you hiding in your stinky old room every Christmas! Robin said to give you 'space' and let you sort out your feelings, but I think we've given you more than enough space already! What the heck's wrong with you?! You love New Year, Halloween and Thanksgiving! So why are you so against celebrating Christmas?!"

Beast Boy clenched his fists. It was taking all of his power not to explode in front of his teammates. _Come on, Gar, deep calming breaths. That's it; control your temper. _

"Cyborg!" Robin hissed, shooting him a warning look.

"What?! I was just saying what was on our minds! Don't tell me you're not sick of the way he's acting?!"

"Beast Boy?" Raven asked uncertainly, glancing at said Titan who was frighteningly quiet.

Beast Boy looked up and stared impassively at her. The other Titans were taken aback by the lack of emotion on his face.

"I have no idea what you are talking about." Beast Boy said, addressing Cyborg before turning towards the other Titans. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to hit the hay."

"But it's only nine thirty. You usually go to bed at eleven." Robin pointed out.

Beast Boy ignored him and proceeded to the door.

"BB, how long do you think you can avoid this conversation? Come on, man, tell us what's up with you! Why are you so moody?!" Cyborg shouted in anger and exasperation.

Beast Boy finally snapped. "Why can't you guys just leave me alone?! Do I have to tell you every single thing that bothers me?! Do you see me bothering you nonstop when you are moody?! No! So just leave me alone!"

* * *

The other Titans were shocked into silence at his outburst. Beast Boy rarely lost his temper, if he ever did.

"But Friend, you always act this way during the period of Eve of Christmas and Day of the Christmas. We are just feeling the worry. Will you not tell us what is troubling you?" Starfire inquired timidly.

Beast Boy shot a glare at her, causing her to squeak in fright and hide behind Robin.

Beast Boy threw his hands in the air. "Ugh, fine! You guys want to know so badly? Fine, I'll tell you! I have bad memories of Christmas, okay?! My parents died on Christmas Day, which wouldn't have happened if we didn't celebrate this freaking celebration in the first place! There, I told you, happy now?!"

Starfire looked aghast. "Oh, friend! I am sorry! I did not know that the Day of Christmas was the day of mourning for you!"

"Sorry, man, I didn't know." Cyborg apologized, feeling guilty for pushing his friend so hard for answers.

"I had a slight suspicion it was something like that. That's why I told you guys to give him space." Robin stated, folding his arms with an 'I told you so' look on his face.

"That kind of tactic may work for you, fearless leader, but giving Beast Boy space never works out." Raven drawled in a bored tone, though her face showed thinly veiled concern for the well-being of her teammate.

Robin replied by scoffing and muttering under his breath.

"Raven's right, BB. You don't have to be on your own on Christmas. Look, man, I know you're sad and all that, but you should spend time with us so we can cheer you up." Cyborg reasoned.

Beast Boy snorted in derision. "Sad? Oh, I'm not sad." There was a pause. "I'm mad at myself for not saving my parents! I could have saved them, but noooo, I flew away like a coward!"

Starfire furrowed her eyebrows. "Forgive me if I have done the mistaking, Friend Beast Boy, but did you not say that you had only fully developed your powers when you had done the leaving of the Patrol of Doom? If that is the true, then you could not have turned into an animal that is bigger than the small feline creature which you call a cat, so you could not have done the saving of your parents."

Beast Boy looked mildly surprised. "Uh, yeah, but I still could've done something. I shouldn't have listened to them. They told me to fly away, and my instincts were telling me something was wrong. So I should have known better than to leave them in that boat!"

"They chose to save your life. You should be happy how much your parents love you to do that." Robin said quietly.

"Yeah, your parents wouldn't want you to be sad, would they? You should treasure your memories with them, but you have to go on with your life and enjoy every single day, including Christmas." Raven added.

Beast Boy hadn't thought about that. If his parents were looking down on him right now, what would they say? Would they be upset with the way he was acting every Christmas?

* * *

His teammates could see that Beast Boy was really thinking this over and they felt that they had to take this chance when they can.

Beast Boy started. "Well, I-"

"Christmas is supposed to be a happy and joyful occasion, BB! So come on, we still have some decorating to do!" Cyborg exclaimed, dragging Beast Boy towards the Christmas tree.

Beast Boy started to protest. "No, I shouldn't. I can't-"

"Nonsense, BB! Of course you can!" Cyborg replied cheerily.

Beast Boy released an exaggerated sigh. "Fine." To tell the truth, Beast Boy didn't feel like struggling and escaping Cyborg's grip. After he told the Titans why he hated Christmas, he felt like a great weight has been lifted off his chest. Maybe it wasn't right to keep so much anger in his heart.

"Friend Beast Boy! Would you like to hang the balls of Christmas?" Starfire questioned, though her tone made it seem like it wasn't a choice. She shoved a box full of balls into his arms while Cyborg released him to help Robin set up the Christmas lights.

"Uhh…" Beast Boy dangled a ball from its string on his finger. He remembered the time when he decorated the Christmas tree with his parents. He would hang all sorts of things on the tree and always protested when his mother wanted to remove some of the decorations as the tree was too cluttered.

Beast Boy smiled sadly as he reminisced the happy times with parents. He glanced back at his friends and saw that they were busy decorating other parts of the room. Beast Boy walked forward and carefully hung the ball he was holding on a branch. He smiled; it felt good to do this again. He couldn't believe how much he missed decorating the Christmas tree. Soon, the box ran empty as the Christmas tree was filled with bright sparkly balls.

"Friend Beast Boy! You have finished decorating the tree of Christmas! Oh, it looks marvelous!" Starfire exclaimed, flying around the Christmas tree and examining each and every decoration.

Raven nodded in agreement. "Guess you're good in something after all. Though I never would have thought it would be decorating."

"Uh huh. Why don't you use your skills to decorate your room and make it less messy, huh?" Cyborg asked, nudging Beast Boy with his elbow.

"Hey! Don't you know cluttered room boosts the creative parts of your brain? And Raven, don't say anything about 'I didn't know Beast Boy had a brain'!" Beast Boy warned, wagging his finger at her playfully.

Raven smirked. "Now, what's the point of saying it if you're just going to say it yourself?"

* * *

"Hey, Beast Boy, did you arrange the balls according to their shape or color?" Robin queried, catching the others attention.

Beast Boy shrugged. "To be honest, I just arranged it randomly and made sure the colors looked right. You know, not too much red or blue there and stuff."

Robin nodded. "Well, at least you're better at decorating than the others."

Beast Boy raised a questioning eyebrow.

Robin sighed. "Starfire practically attacks the Christmas tree with millions of colors, Raven only puts up the dark and gloomy colors (I didn't even know we had black balls. Do they even sell those in shops?), Cyborg arranges the balls only in straight lines and makes the Christmas tree seem too stiff and I, well…"

"Arrange the balls with precise measurements, 45° to the left of blah blah blah?" Beast Boy offered. "Yeah, I know, you're weird like that. Guess I'm the only normal one on this team."

Raven rolled her eyes. "Do you really think any of us is normal?"

"Robin is. At least, I think he is." Beast Boy answered, looking contemplative.

Robin whipped his head around quickly and stared at Beast Boy in the eye. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Beast Boy laughed nervously. "Heh heh, dude, you know…"

"Friends!" Starfire called, interrupting their conversation. "I am now turning on the lights of Christmas!"

Starfire pressed the button on the green device she was holding. Lights suddenly flashed on the Christmas tree. The Titans stared in awe at the glittering lights.

"Wow…nice lights…" Beast Boy said dreamily.

"Yeah…specially modified lights. It was a project I started last year. Took me months to finish it. Hard work, but it was worth it." Cyborg stated, staring proudly at the Christmas tree.

* * *

The Titans were jerked out of their reverie by the sound of Christmas carols blasting through the speaker.

"Thought we could use some music." Robin said, fiddling with the knobs on the music player.

"Dude! I recognize that song! My dad used to play that song back in Africa." Beast Boy said, looking wistful and staring out the window.

Meanwhile, the other Titans made frantic gestures behind his back.

"You used to live in Africa?!" Cyborg burst out.

Robin face palmed and Raven rolled her eyes at the robotic teen's question. They were trying to cheer Beast Boy up, and that involves not bringing up anything related to his parents or his past.

"Uh huh. We lived there until…" Beast Boy trailed off and sighed heavily.

Before Cyborg could open his mouth to ask 'Until what?', Raven slapped a strip of dark energy over his mouth, silencing him.

"Um, friends! Should we not finish the Eve of Christmas activities?" Starfire said quickly, trying to dissipate the gloomy atmosphere that was starting to spread.

"Uh, yeah! We usually watch movies or play some games until eleven thirty, then go to the rooftop to watch the fireworks at midnight." Robin said.

Beast Boy looked puzzled. "Fireworks? But I saw people shooting fireworks already just now."

"Oh, that was just random people shooting fireworks. The real fireworks show is at midnight. The Jump City community usually gather together at Jump City bay to shoot fireworks." Robin explained.

"Actually, it's almost close to midnight. We should head to the roof now." Raven cut in, finally releasing the tape from Cyborg's mouth, who was now muttering darkly under his breath about girls and half-demons.

"Whoa, really? Time sure flies." Robin commented, glancing at the time on his communicator. "Well, then, come on, guys, we have a few minutes left."

* * *

The Titans headed out the common room doors and towards the staircase leading to the roof. Just as they stepped out onto the roof, the unmistakable sounds of fireworks could be heard. Long streams of light ascended into the air and exploded into colorful bursts of light.

As Beast Boy stood there with his friends watching the fireworks, he felt calm and at peace. Maybe this year Christmas won't be so bad. After all, he was spending Christmas with his friends. Beast Boy's lip curled upwards slightly, he may have lost his parents, his only family, but he had also gained a new family, the Titans. This family needed him more than his old one, so he would treasure every moment he spends with the Titans, because you never know how long they'll be around. One moment is all it takes to tear you away from your loved ones; Beast Boy knows that better than anyone. He may not be able to prevent that from happening, but he will still try, because Beast Boy would do anything for his family.


End file.
